There are those times, I must admit, where one can fall shamelessly head over heels for someone. In my personal experience it's been rare. It's happened to me twice, ever, in my entire 20 something years of existence on this earth. The first time was with my college boyfriend-- I won't go into detail here since you're looking for the "good stuff" or is it bad stuff?..hmm well anyways, there was this second time more recently. I sort of felt like I got shot with cupids arrow, which seems cute and all, right? You see all those illustrations on Hallmark cards with a small naked baby shooting love arrows. How come they don't have any cards showing what happens to you after you're shot- haha I'll fill you in-----you turn into a blubbering IDIOT, staring off into space with a DUMB GRIN, TWIRLING YOUR HAIR. I am generally a happy person as it is, so really now everyone just thinks I'm on CRACK because I'm constantly smiling. Also, I drink coffee, everyday, wanna know how much coffee I drank that week? Hmmmm??
NONE- I drank ZERO coffee all week, which for a normal person who is semi-addicted to caffiene, the affects should be detrimental. Well they were, in some cases as I found myself thinking like a lunatic. I invisioned the monogrammed towels my mom would make for the bridal shower...yes I definitely wanted to go with the matching hand and bath towels, I was doodling my potential new initials, practicing my new signature for the school notes I'd write for our unborn children?!?!?!?
HOLY SHIT BALLS...OH MY GOD....I'M GOING INSANE!!!!!!
Ahh, well thankfully just as I thought my search for TRUE LOVE could end and that my world might explode into paper cut-outs of hearts and puppies, mother nature took a hot steamy DUMP on my seemingly romantic prospect. I think it was in my best interests, thank you Mother Nature, I owe you one. See below:)
All woman fantasize about dating an international man of mystery right? Come on, they were born in a different country, they like strange foods and usually their pants are slightly tighter than most American men- I like butts okay? And OF COURSE the accent, really that's the key. Well, I only got as international as Canada but hey, I was gonna make it work.
I happen to fall head over heels for this schmuck very quickly. I was led to believe he was a gentleman, smart and had a lot of interests (to be fair the last 2 are true). I was introduced to him through a mutual friend, it was already a good sign I figured. I mean, if she was good friends with him, he must be good dating material??
On my home turf he was spontaneous and easy going.
Dinner at home?-sure, whatever you make is great!
An evening out?-sure, anywhere!
A stroll through the city?-of course, I'd love to!
"Oh you're so candid and I love your attitude" he'd say, my independence and gumption was serving me well for once.
However, things didn't seem so dandy when I took a flight to Canada to visit him.
As not having been to Canada since I was little, I was excited to see the sites, learn some French maybe?? and definitely eat crepes. Well, apparently, that was not an option. Some of his responses to my suggestions:
--Sightseeing- "Ugh I only have on my loafers and there's so much snow, they'll get wet, we will just sight see from the car, just roll down the window to take the pictures"
[who wearing LOAFERS in the middle of WINTER???? oh and really, you're worried they'll get ruined? okay,diva.]
--The mall, after I spotted a sparkly kiosk with earrings- "We are going to this store, I told you I need a winter coat! Once we are done shopping for me, you can look at what you want!"
Him to our mutual friend about me: "I cant believe she told me I couldn't buy that coat bc it didnt look good on me, uh!"
[yeah! I saved you from looking like a damn fool?! ]
Dinner- "now is not the time to get up, don't you see that waiter behind you?"
[oh hey, i'm not your F*ING child for you to discipline]
--Hanging out- "We are going to watch hockey, period."
[wow, considering you know how much i don't prefer sports, great to know you care about hanging out with me at all]
---Discussion on lifting weights- "oh you like a man with pec muscles? well, maybe your into that, but I cant afford to have heavy chest muscles, it slows me down on the bike"
[SERIOUSLY?????You'd rather have flabby man boobs than lift some weights? Here's a hint genius:
TRY PEDALING HARDER MF*ER]
[PS- since i've recently become obsessed with spinning, i am certain I can out spin and out lift this dude in a heartbeat]
Good god, do you really need to know more? This man...ahem, excuse me, boy, was so self-centered and stubborn he really wasn't interested in dating anyone except himself....unless of course he could find some rag-doll girl to follow him around, doing whatever he said. Goodluck with that, douchetard.
Well friends, all this love talk has gotten me a little queasy, gotta run.
Till next time:) xoxo
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