Don't you just hate a cock block?

   Today I'd like to discuss technology.  I love technology, I do. I'm OB-SESSED with my iPhone, social media outlets, my new macbook pro, oh and TEXTING.   ::Sigh::, however, I truly feel like texting is the cock-block of dating.  Texting is like your adorable FRIEND of the opposite sex that will flirt with you while you're trying to get a hot guy/girl's attention, or tell a totally inappropriate story about you to that hottie pay tattie and it's over.


   Texting really just screws everyone over because most people are not that good at communicating in the first place, now add vague, misspelled and un-punctuated texts and see what you get---NOTHING, you get nothing.  People, men and women hide behind their phones to say or not say, how they truly feel.  You don't get to see their facial expression when they type-
--"Yeah I had a great time too!"-- is this the "::eye roll:: um yeah that's never happening again" ??
--or "omg yes i totally had a great time, when do i get to see him/her again",
   And you won't know! You will wait for a smiley face, because maybe that means it's option #2, but if you see an ellipses...that means its #1.  GODDAMNIT just tell me if you like me or not- yes or no!!!
   Or after a few days of texting your prince charming seems polite, a gentleman, spells correctly, is timely with his responses and is "sooo excited to see you". But then you get a 2am text "heeeey girl, what are you doing"
-What am I DOING??? I'm F*ING SLEEPING you MORON. What? -Now that we have a date scheduled you think you can have a booty call first???
   Some people are just not texters,  they just don't respond or are really slow.  Maybe it's because they have a Nokia240 - aka the phone you get for free when you sign a contract (they should pay you to remove that from their stock room), or maybe it's because they don't know how to text, regardless, they usually text infrequently and are too concise for our (my? women's) overly analytical and critical minds.
(e.g)  See you there.
-- Omg there's a period at the end. He sounds pissed...uninterested? Does he really want to go on this date??
(e.g.) Goodnight
--really? that seems so formal and final, no winkey face? what about "Night!" or "G'night", "NightyNight:)" He's obviously unhappy. OMG we're never seeing each other again!:(
**I will leave you with a story of my most recent date, and the fact that you may find similarities in the story and the thoughts above is not a coincidence. ** 

Attack of the Snaggletooth :

This date began like any other, via some fun email communications.  This guy got some points for at least making me laugh and asking some interesting questions, so online things were going well.

We transitioned to texting and things seemed ok but maybe slightly strange…

Snaggle: Hey there, did you know a new jersey shore is on tonight?

Me: No, I don’t actually watch that awful show, I prefer the drama on Bravo

Snaggle: How many shows are there on tv about cakes? Where do you work? What did you eat for lunch? What’s your favorite Kanye song?

(OK, he didn’t ask them literally back to back like this, he gave me about 2 seconds to respond and then moved to the next question—A.D.D. anyone?)

At this point, I was a little perplexed about his grab bag of questions but I decided to go with it. We set up a date, time and place to meet for dinner a few days later.

I arrive at the restaurant, which was BYOB and he brought red and white wine- points for him. We sit down, and start chatting.  

**[the tables are pretty close together, so I'm positive the table next to us can hear our very 'first time we're meeting' conversation, which is why you practically, *inaudibly*, whisper "it's so great to meet you"::hahaha awkward smile..ha..ha]

Food ordered and he's at first very attentive at refilling my glass when needed. But at one point, the point at which he's drank about 3/4 of the red, by himself, he just hands me the bottle of white.  "Here, do you just want to do this?" 

**[i've drank about 2 glasses thus far, apparently once you're starting to get drunk, pouring for someone else is tiresome. or maybe he just didn't want to spill on me now that his dexterity or coordination is compromised, i go with the later to give him the benefit of the doubt]

We continue to talk and he mentions my teeth- "Wow you have great dental structure", thats nice of him!  So I take a look at his teeth...umm...well... that's when I saw it... the Snaggletooth. On the bottom row, sticking out to the side...like a tilting iceberg, that was just hit by the Titanic...or the Costa. 

[**Ommmmg now its awkward!!!!, I can't, in good faith, repay the compliment. I mean, i was scared that IF we ever were to kiss, my precious lips would be punctured..to the point of bleeding- not even Blistex could fix that.  I don't even know how i'd work around that thing.  For those of you who are not familiar with a snaggletooth, 1) say the word out loud, go ahead, do it...I'm waiting. Ok, wasn't that fun?:) 2) google Jewel, the singer. I love her, but she has a snaggletooth, maybe multiple.   It's only appropriate that she has a line in her song, "who will save your soul"...honey, with those teeth, I don't know who can.]

---Fast forward to the end of the date, we're outside saying our goodbyes, a hug, had a great time with you yadda yadda- and then he asks for a RATING?!?

Snaggle: So on a scale of 1 to 35, what did I rate on this date?

Me: Haaha [what???], I don't give ratings, it was great! okay, I'm gonna run but chat with you later

---In the cab:

Me: Thanks again for a nice night- dinner and the wine! 

Snaggle: Yeah I had a great time. So come on, what's my rating??

--SERIOUSLY? Dude, you're rating is quickly plummeting, who asks this?? I'm trying to ignore the fact that you drank an entire bottle of wine yourself, and got druuuunk, have an aunt who is a dentist yet still have a snaggletooth and you insist on being rated.!!!

I arrive home and start to get ready for bed and now I will share for you DIRECT TEXT QUOTES- this IS REAL PEOPLE: 
[about 1 hour after getting home]


Snaggle: So what are you doing?
Me: Just brushing my teeth, you? 
S: Hanging out with an out of town friend
S: What's your Friday bedtime
Me: Cool, um I don't have a set bedtime but today it's about now-ish
S: I was just fishing for an invite. But realize that's inappropriate
Me: Haha nice try and yes that's inappropriate
Me: I'm a lady! I'm off to sleep though, so chat later!
S: What if I told you I'm a really good kisser?
Me: Well then right now I'll have to take your word for it
S: Take it. It's true. 

WHAAAAAAAT? Dude, you just cock-blocked yourself so hard.  Any shred of hope is now certainly gone along with any rating that has a positive sign in front of it.  Maybe you and your snaggletooth can make out together since you're such a good kisser? 




Well that's all for tonight folks. Till next time:) xoxo

PS- Let me just say, I'm not a cold hearted biatch, I'm just telling the facts here--I could deal with the tooth, really I could. Eventually we would get it fixed... before we got serious and had any pictures taken together that might be posted on fb etc. But come on, all the other stuff...??